Have you ever wondered why certain people can withstand the bumps and bruises of life better than others?
Why are they hardier?
Is there something in their body chemistry or personalities enabling them to weather the worst of life’s storms with a smile on their faces?
If you examine the literature pertaining to what makes certain people less susceptible to the damage that can be wrought by rejection or failure, you’ll find that they have these strengths:
(1) They believe the setback is temporary, not permanent. This enables them to move on to their next achievement.
(2) They perceive setbacks as impersonal. They don’t believe that it was their fault that they didn’t succeed. They don’t take losses personally, dwelling on the idea that their personality flaws or weak skills caused their misfortunes.
(3) They see a silver lining in the darkest clouds. Able to take a gain from their losses, a lesson, or an inspiration, they move on.
(4) They don’t generalize defeats into larger, more ominous patterns. If they weren’t invited to the book club discussion group and their kid earned only a “C” on an exam, they don’t tell themselves these episodes mean they’re headed down the drain.
(5) They remember wins, and relish them, more than losses. For instance, if they speak before a group and ninety-five percent write positive evaluations, they remember them instead of dwelling on the 5% they didn’t reach.
Having noted these strengths, the key question is this: Can we develop them if they’re not a part of our makeup?
We can, by using affirmations geared to bolstering each one as a belief. We can tell ourselves:
(1) All setbacks are temporary, and they’re stepping stones to my inevitable achievement.
(2) Sometimes things just don’t work out, but it’s not my fault, because I can’t control other people, only my continuing efforts.
(3) Every setback has something to teach me or a way to inspire me. Now, what can this one offer me?
(4) This setback only pertains to itself, and in innumerable ways, I’m still successful, and I’ll be even more successful in the future.
(5) I’m going to praise the good, remembering my wins, and downplay my losses. I’ll turn stinging defeats into mild disappointments, without delay.
Work on these, and you’ll become even more resilient!
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